File this one under TMI...

Raise your hand if you've ever had a urinary tract infection. Yeah, I know, WTF?!?!?!?!

Now, if you haven't, imagine being kicked repeatedly in the crotch by a thousand midgets who then make a human pyramid on top of your bladder and refuse to move. Yeah, it's kind of like that.

When you feel like you're going to pee your pants every second, even as you stand up from the toilet, you will think it's okay to:
a) surf the internet while on the toilet;
b) chat with friends while on the toilet;
c) eat ice cream while on the toilet;
d) all of the above.

Thank the 6lb 7oz tiny baby jesus for Cipro.

Now, keep those midgets away from me. Seriously.

PB took me to a Richmond Braves game on Friday night. It was the most perfect evening for baseball, warm with a light breeze. We met up with friends and had a ball. Get it? A ball? Seriously, is this thing on?

Not havin attended many games in the past, my father had to coach me on some of the jeers I could throw at the ump, and how to appropriately taunt the batter. I did a pretty fair job at it, and Dad would have been proud if he was there to see it.

The best line of the night, however, belonged to PB. After bringing out their 3rd pitcher, the Norfolk Tide wasn't looking so hot. The pitcher did not a lot of throwing near the plate, and dropped quite a few just shy of the catcher.

me: Wow, that poor catcher has done nothing but eat dirt since that pitcher came out.

PB: Yeah, he's covered more balls than Fruit of the Loom.

Holy shitballs, that guy's funny.

No, no black eyes. Just a sore nose and a good story to tell.

While I didn't puke at King's Dominion (a minor miracle if you know the extent of my motion sickness) I was the wettest girl coming off of the White Water Canyon ride. Niece promised that she was in the wet seat, as she wanted to be soaked. Cool. I took the seat opposite her. Well, a few twists and turns later, the raft dipped just as a wave came crashing over the back of it, and I got wiped out. Everything on me was wet! Niece immediately decided she was glad she wasn't in the wet seat after all.

Oh, it took a while to dry out, but thankfully the sun was out and I had worn light capris instead of jeans. It could have been worse, but I did get lots of looks as we continued our trek through the park. It seems that the crotch area is the last to dry, and once you get away from the water park, people will jump to the conclusion that throwing up on the ride isn't really your problem.

Judgers.

Well, I was going to write all about how cool Kings Dominion was, and how I DIDN'T throw up, but I got sidetracked.

Yeah, sidetracked by getting hit directly in the face with a volleyball. A volleyball hit at top speed. Seriously.

So please excuse me while I put the ice pack back on my nose. I'm hoping to NOT have black eyes in the morning.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Ha ha ha to Heather!

Yes, it's safe to come out from under the table. No blue lightning, no freak hurricanes or anything of the sort. Hell, the ground didn't even tremble!

I went to church to support PB, who was the guest musician for the service. He led the congregation in a hymn while strumming his guitar. It was lovely. They also had a guest speaker who is a former state trooper. He touched on some interesting topics that, of course, I extrapolated beyond his version of "God" into my own and how it works for me in my life. All in all, it was a lovely morning, and I was happy to skip Sunday School to go riding with Dianne.

Tomorrow's adventure is King's Dominion. Let the dramamine-fed adrenaline-fest begin!!!

I'm going to church.

Please be watchful for blue lightning, spontaneous natural disasters, and anything else that seems insanely out of the ordinary.

Tonight I attended the first little-kid softball game I've attended in... oh, since I played that one fateful season when I was akwardly 7.

Holy-freakin'-hysterical, Batman. I think the bats were taller than some of the girls, and fatter than others. Sometimes, just getting them to stand next to the plate correctly required the umpire physically picking the child up and setting her down in the right place and pointing the right direction. And the running. Oh, people, the running. Some ran with all the might and determination of a prison-break. Some ran with the Eeyore-like knowledge that they were going to get thrown out at first anyway, so why bother. Every once in a while there was some skipping or gazelle-like leaping. And in the outfield? Daisy picking, nose picking, basically, anything but picking up the ball was fair game.

In the end, our team lost 11-3. My little buddy thought the best thing of the night was that win or lose, she was getting a ball park hotdog at the end.

I like her style.

Dear Neighbor Who Moved Into 1022,

Please make sure your drunk friends know that the "second floor" of this building is, indeed, the ground floor. If one more drunk friend shows up and knocks incessantly on 1032 (where the guy's never home) expecting you to open the door, I will open the door of 1031 and let Pooh King eat them alive, just like he acts like he wants to do. I will encourage it, in fact.

Mmmm, thanks,
TK

I know you're disappointed. Don't try to hide it.

I'm not here much anymore it seems.

Oh, funny stories and "that could only happen to me" fiascos and WTF? moments of the day are still happening. They're happening left and right, in fact. It just seems like I don't get here very often to write them down.

Last night, PB and I babysat his niece and nephew while their parents went on a date. The kids were delightful. We had pizza, made popcorn in a pot (a treat as they didn't know it could be done at home outside of a microwave), and I got my ass handed to me in Wii bowling. Big fun. At the end of the night, after baths and breathing treatments, Niece flops down in her bed and proclaims, "This was the best day of my life!!!" She's 6.

I'm playing volleyball, going to the movies, hanging out with friends, spending time with my sweetie, entertaining a 2 year old, and let's not forget the need to work... Life is busy! At the end of the day I tend to flop into bed myself, thinking "This was the best day of my life!!!" I'm 33.

So, please forgive me if I don't post as often as I used to. When I'm not here, know that I'm busy bringing sexy back to Southcentral VA. I'm going to try much harder to not let it be 9 days between posts. That's just not right!

A conversation with an old-lady patient:

Me: So, Mrs. Old Lady Patient, have you had physical therapy before?

Mrs. Old Lady Patient: Oh yes. The doctor had to replace my rotary cup over here (indicates general area of left rotator cuff). I had to do therapy at rehab. Some days it hurt so bad, all I could do was holler and pee.

Me: (pees pants a little trying to stifle a laugh.)

Mrs. Old Lady Patient: Girl, you know what I'm talking about!!!