Day One

I arrive to my new job site wearing my red Danskos. They're lucky, you know. If nothing else, when I'm lost in the hospital (as invariably happens to a girl with no sense of direction what-so-ever) I can click my heels together and someone points me in the direction of "home".

So there I am, day one in my red shoes...

Bossman: Hey! TK! You still have those red shoes. (I was working for Bossman when I bought the infamous red Dansko clogs.)

TK: Oh, Bossman. You have no idea. No idea at all.

But they'll learn. They'll all learn.

I wonder if this joker is counted as one of the 80,000 visitors who flock to Carhenge annually. I mean, it is a stop on his migratory path. That can't be on accident!

We all know that I'm afraid of birds. Well, if you didn't, you do now. So imagine my surprise as I'm talking on the cell phone (yeah, I'm that girl) thinking it was a stuffed goose put there for aesthetics, and the frockin' thing starts walking toward me. Can you see Tiffany yell "Holy hell, it's alive and moving!" as she bobs and weaves through the structure that is Carhenge? I'm positive it was coming to peck my eyes out. Trust me, the voice on the other end of the line got quite a chuckle out of it.



Oh, and if anyone's planning a road trip...


June 23 is the grand opening of the new Carhenge Visitor's Center... which is roughly the size of a 2 car garage. They are very proud and excited. There's a big Carhenge festival planned, complete with live music, dancing, and a cookout. I'll bet there's stuff cooked on a stick. It's rumored that the governor might come. I'm just saying, if you're planning a trip...

unexpected!

Carhenge, it's not just for cars anymore!

That's right, it's a sculpture of a spawning salmon! Yikes!
I guess anyone can man the wheel at Carhenge.

I have reached the midwestern mecca!

I have seen it. It is real.
The guy at the Grand Canyon was right. It IS even more "white trash" than you can imagine. And I love it.

The original stagion wagon. Get it? It's a stationary Wagon!!!
Apparently this one is Australian. It's been Down Under!!!

Oh, Tiffany! Those were terrible!

More from the farm

It gets a little hot on the roof. SPF 50 was my friend. Here I am bringing sexy back in a wife-beater shirt, or as Ma King now calls it, a Manuel-beater...
I've got a box cutter... I'll cut you!
If you're a good little helper, Ma King will make your favorite... blueberry pancakes with strawberry topping. Mmmmm, pancakes. I love pancakes.
Pooh King loves pancakes, too. Here he is waiting for me to keel over and flip my plate.
Then, after a week, it's time for the WanderingGirl to roll on.

As promised...

Beware! Woman with hammer, Wonder Woman shirt, and Diva sunglasses.

Manuel the Neighbor Kid sports the height of roofing fashion.
Pa King does some serious monitoring from the ground. He's ready to call 911 at a moment's notice if I fall through the skylight. I'm only amazed he didn't rent a cherry picker to lord over us.

Holy crapola, folks, I've arrived!

I drove from St. Louis to Kearney, NE, yesterday. I chose Kearney as my layover point based on the fact that I have a friend who went to school there. Well, that and I was less than enthused about driving due west into the setting sun. And, as Ma King pointed out, Thursday is my favorite television night. Come on, it was an all new Gray's! Oz and Pooh King thoroughly enjoyed being out of the car for more than 10 minutes and got a good chance to stretch their legs. I got a good chance to lay in bed and watch television.

This morning I continued my trek west, and in a mere 4 hours made it to Alliance. I'm in a different apartment than originally planned. (That means "sorry" to those of you who wrote down my new address last weekend.) I'm on the 2nd floor (much to my dismay) and had steeled myself to haul all my crap up the stairs.

Well, low and behold, I have the coolest neighbors ever! Michelle and Derek (aka, the coolest neighbors possible) helped me unload the trailer, and carry everything up the stairs! (Okay, Fayetteville Boys, you are the most awesome neighbors ever, but you didn't help me pack or unpack!) I took a moment to declare them both rockstars and did a high kick and a "Supa-star" for them. I think they liked it.

Pooh and Oz are pleased with the apartment. They like looking at the goings-on in the parking lot out the sliding-glass door.

So I've been unpacking this evening. Unpacking seems to be going more slowly than packing did! Perhaps because I don't have the awesome Farmville crew to help. As I'm carrying a box out to the dumpster, a 4 year old neighbor kid hangs over the railing on his porch and says "Lady! Are you burger-ing that place?"

I just laughed and told him that if I was "burger-ing" I would have spent the day hauling stuff out of the apartment, not into it.

Tomorrow I'll finish unpacking.

And then there's Carhenge.

Tish, over at The Kat House, posted a 5 questions meme the other day and invited anyone interested to join in. She answered 5 questions given to her by another blogger, and in turn gave 5 new questions to anyone interested in playing along. I decided I'd have a go at it since I have a little time on my hands during my trip to corn country. Here's what she handed me...

Wanderinggirl ~

1. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I would change my ability to sing well. Oh, don't you worry, I sing plenty, and I sing loud to make up for the fact that I don't sing well. I really, really wish that I could sing well!

2. What is the one thing that you most pride yourself on? My professional integrity and accomplishments. I try every day to let who I am come out through my work, both to my coworkers and patients. I truly give myself to those people in trying to help them get well.

3. If you could re-live one day from your past, which one would it be? I think I would relive the day when I was 5 and my great-grandmother and I went on a train ride with my kindergarten class. I wish I could remember the childish anticipation of such a fun day, and the feeling of excitement for getting to take my Grandma Lucy with me. I got to pick who would accompany me on that trip, so I was already head over heels in love with that old lady. That's a feeling that has stayed with me long since she passed away.

4. What makes you most uncomfortable about the dating process? The feeling of looking across a table and thinking, "Is this the guy that my kids are going to spend every-other-weekend with?" Just kidding. Sort of. I hate the fact that I feel like he probably has a little checklist in his head and is giving me plus and minus tens for various things... appearance, witty banter, alcohol consumption and preference, etc.

5. Who is "the one who got away"?
Oh, silly Tishy, he hasn't gotten away yet! I just haven't gotten him!


There were fantastic storms around St. Louis last night. I slept with the windows open. The breeze was wonderful, the sound of the wind divine. The girl who can sleep through almost anything was awakened by terrific crashes of thunder and flashes of lightning. This morning everything smells clean and fresh, like it's just waiting for me to get out there and dirty it up again!

I heart St. Louis.

No matter what route I take to get here, though, it takes longer than I think it should. I took a new route this time that looked like it should cut about an hour off of the trip. It didn't. It actually took a little bit longer than the old route. I can't explain it, it just happens. I may or may not have taken a wrong turn that led to me driving through some VERY small towns in search of where route 60 went. (It turns out, it went with route 57 for a while.) I almost stopped to get a baby "fainting" goat (as seen on TV). Don't you judge me.

But here I am, safe and sound with my friends. Pooh King is once again enjoying being a farm dog with his friend, Jesse. The Great and Powerful Oz is intermittently hiding under the bed and being a ninja in search of adventure.

Today we ran errands and drank beer... in that order. Tomorrow? Running more errands and drinking more beer. Tough Lucy Dodge needs an oil change before heading to NE. Oh yeah, and the apartment I was supposed to move into was deemed "unacceptable" by the property manager. That's right today, 3 days before I'm supposed to move in, they decide that I can't live in it. The good news is that I have a different apartment, which is supposedly more updated than the old one. Good thing I'm such a flexible girl. I think this is what it must be like to be in the witness protection program. Except I couldn't tell you my name, or where I live.

Like I said, I heart St. Louis.

Oh skylights, you tricky little slips of plastic.

The lights are in and set, positioned, screwed and caulked. I sealed the ends today after having let the expando-foam set last night. It's the last step in a rather long and frequently akward process that led to no less than 5 trips to Lowe's in a 2 day span. I think that's a record... and that's not including toilet shopping. I spent the better part of the weekend trying to bring sexy back in a wifebeater and diva sunglasses while wielding a box cutter and a caulking gun on the top of a barn roof. Somewhere, a village is missing its idiot.

The U-Haul is loaded, the laundry is done, and I'm ready to roll toward St. Louis tomorrow. Dog- check. Cat- check. Fabulous shoes- partial check. Some of them are spending the summer in Aiken. *sniffles and shakes her head in disbelief*

Funny story of the day? Mom and I go to run errands while Dad modifies the sink holes in the counter tops to accommodate the new sinks for their bathroom remodel. Mom and I return to find no water flowing in the house. The emergency plumber is on his way. Dad hit a water pipe under the sink while using a power saw, and the pipe broke off in the wall. Apparently Dad pulled off a whirlwind trip around the house to shut off the water main, stop everything that was using water, and place a towel on the dining room table where water had run through the floor and down the light fixture in the room below.

Dad looks straight at us and without cracking a smile says, "I didn't think I could run anymore. But I can."

That old man cracks me up! Welcome back from hip replacement surgery, Poppy.

*And don't you worry, there are pictures to be posted after I arrive at the final destination.*

Oh, the joys of farm life! When the girl-child arrives home wearing her supergirl underpants the trumpets blare, angels sing... the work begins.

Being up on an extra tall ladder on the side of the house has been postponed until Manuel the Neighbor Kid gets here. We're totally sending him up that thing.

Today's project? Bathroom renovation. Ma and Pa King have contracted to have their bathroom remodeled. Out with the tub, in with a walk-in shower. It's like a Bathroom Extravaganza! EVERYTHING MUST GO!!!!! The result? I spent the morning with the 'rents picking out a new toilet, sinks, faucets, towel racks, grab bars, etc, etc. What a way to blow a Thursday morning! You'd be amazed at how many toilets there are to choose from!

I begged Dad not to try them out. He said since we were at Lowe's (instead of Home Depot, where some poor sap got glued to a seat once) he'd be fine. The joke is that we didn't even consider the one he tested! (By the way, I told Dad I wouldn't put this picture on the blog. He's probably going to beat me with his cane for being a filthy-bedwetting-liar.)

Toilet shopping with the parental unit surely entitles me to a margarita as big as my head. Too bad I drank it last night and there's not another one waiting in the wings.

After all of the hulabaloo, I went and got a pedicure. Can you say "farm chic"? I mean, toilet shopping at Lowe's and a pedicure. It doesn't get better than that.

I'm okay!

I know, I know. I never call, I never write.

First off, mad props go out to my awesome Bosslady KD, coworker Rebecca, and horse lady Diane for showing up to help pack me. Seriously, I would have gotten it all done, but probably not until 2am, and I'd have given up and thrown a lot of stuff out at that point. As it was, the 3 of them were powerhouses and we were pretty much done at 5pm, leaving plenty of time for the Bosslady and I to have several good hours of chatting and a farewell meal in. I rolled out of Farmville right on time Sunday morning, and Bosslady even showed up to wave me off even though it was raining and cold. My hat's off to you ladies. You are the best!

Well, if you don't hear from me a lot this week it's because I'm at The Farm and there's lots of things to do! First, Mom helped me with unloading the U-Haul into my storage unit. I've helped out with feeding and moving horses. Tomorrow Mom and I are going to wrestle the extra tall ladder up so we can inspect the rain gutters, then tack down some siding that lifted up in the terrible wind storm yesterday. Let's all hope neither one of us falls off. On Saturday, Manuel the Neighbor Kid will be flying in to the farm to help with the skylights. I know, lots of people have never seen skylights in a barn. Those people have never met the Big Guy. He designed and built the barn by himself. I'd like to say that I helped more than I did, but the truth is that I was 16 when he built it, so I was fairly self-absorbed and didn't do as much as I should have even though my horse was living in the barn. Don't you judge me. There are skylights and a hot water heater. We can't be having the horses take cold baths, now can we? I swear, if I ever lose my job, screw living in a van down by the river. I'm totally moving into the barn my Dad built.

Mom is keeping me motivated by giving me pie. Mmmmmmmmmmm, pie.

A rough one...

Today was a hard day.

I have liked Farmville far more than I thought I would. I cried today when I left work. Actually, I cried long before I left work. This is the first travel assignment I cried over leaving. I cried tears of sweet, sweet joy when I pulled out of Denver. I was very sad about leaving the crew at Klamath Falls. I didn't cry, though. Usually each place has a little sadness about leaving (except Denver, really) and there's some excitement about the next adventure starting.

I was choking up before the end of the day. Super K said "see you later" because she wouldn't say goodbye. I got hugs from lots of my patients. One recent graduate returned today to wish me luck again, though he had gotten me a present and done an "official presentation" in front of the bosslady and everything. Even my badass kid gave me a hug... you know, the kind that only an akward 14 year old boy can give someone with boobs. Metal Head came in to say goodbye and I was in full-on tear mode. That made her cry, too. I thought I was a bad cryer, but Metal Head just might take me in a head-to-head ugly-cryer cage match.

Then it was Mini-Me and Paper Boy. That was a rough one.

The awesome bosslady and R, the other traveler are coming to help me load tomorrow, so I imagine that won't end well either. Really, if I don't have to pull over 5 times on my way out of town Sunday, I'll be doing well. I'd better wear my supergirl underpants. I told Mini-Me that this was the first time I'd gotten this upset about leaving a travel assignment. She said "Then maybe this is the place you're supposed to come home to." Oh, that Mini-Me, such a smart one. She just might have an excellent point.

Not that Carhenge isn't going to be a scream, but let's be honest, I refer to Nebraska as my flat-screen state. I'm starting to miss the Stardust.

Seriously?

Here I am, trying to become the packing procrastination queen, and they're running Gray's Anatomy reruns? And starting a new show? If this keeps up I'm actually going to get out of here on time. What are they trying to do to me? I am NOT an efficient mover! Stop it! You're ruining my life!

You Are a Ring Finger

You are romantic, expressive, and hopeful. You see the best in everything.You are very artistic, and you see the world as your canvas. You are also drawn to the written word.Inventive and unique, you are often away in your own inner world. You get along well with: The Pinky Stay away from: The Index Finger

http://www.blogthings.com/whatfingerareyouquiz/">What Finger Are You?

Well, of course the link doesn't work correctly!!

Hello, my name is Tiffany and I'm a procrastinator.

I'd like to say that I'm spending tonight packing diligently, but I'm not. I have a farewell dinner with my coworkers tomorrow evening, and a presentation to do for the diabetes support group on Thursday night. You'd think I'd get my act together and get on it, right?

Not so much. I'm tired, and I'm ready for bed.

So I have resigned to the fact that I will stay up late on Thursday and Friday nights getting things around. I will load the trailer on Saturday (with my awesome bosslady's help) and clean what I can. Since the furniture will still be in the apartment, I can only do so much. The carpets will be cleaned after the furniture is removed.

Sunday morning I will depart for the farm and a week of pampering farm-style... which means I'll be helping put new skylights in the barn, but Mom will make pie. It's a fair trade.

I'd tell you more, but it can wait until tomorrow, right?

Update

I passed the exam. I have a license.

Look out Carhenge, here I come!!!

Aaaaah, Easter Sunday. Get up, work out, pig out, pack up. I lead such an interesting life. My goal is to leave at least half of what I currently have with me in Aiken before I go on to Nebraska. That means half of my wardrobe, too. Do you know how hard that is for me? I mean, leaving the sweaters and winter stuff isn't too hard because I'll be there primarily during summer. But really, how am I supposed to decide which of my 6 pairs of black exercise pants I'm supposed to take? What about my fun t-shirts? Now, don't get ahead of yourselves, we all know I'm NOT leaving half of my shoes. That would be sacrilege.

I called home to give Ma and Pa King a "Thanks Easter Bunny! Bawk! Bawk!!!" for sending me an easter package, complete with treats for Pooh and Oz.

Dad: Did you go easter-egg hunting?

Me: Nope. No easter-eggs.

Dad: I bet if you go out to the field where you ride horses you can find a bunch of brown ones. You'd better take a BIG basket!

My Poppy, what a hoot.

Amanda's got a good family easter story up. You should go check it out. It's a true story... or at least as close to true as family lore can get.

Funny things...

• I had to work today. I got up to take the dog out for his first walk, only to find about 1/2 inch of snow on the ground. For all the times this winter the weatherman said we were going to get snow and not a flake fell (but school was cancelled anyway), we got a solid covering on April 7.
• It was 85 degrees on Monday.
• One of my little old lady patients (I'm talking 80+ years old, folks) marvelled at all of my earrings, then worried that her piercings (one polite piercing per ear) would close up during her hospitalization. "You see, I only got them 4 years ago, dear." Pierced in your late 7os-early 80s... got to love it.
• My favorite curmudgeon old-man patient gave me a present on his last day. I made him wear a graduation cap, and he giggled through the whole session.
• Another patient gave me a book since we're both dog lovers. He got all choked up thanking me and Mini-Me for helping him get his arm back... we're making him wear the graduation cap on Monday.
• The Nebraska Jurisprudence exam didn't have any questions about what to do if there is a tornado.
• I won't know if I passed the exam and have a license until I'm on my way there.
• I have to do some significant packing tomorrow. I'm going to try to leave more than half of my "stuff" in my storage unit before heading off to Nebraska.
• I might need to get another bin for my new Danskos... there are significantly more pairs of them now than when I moved here.
• Carhenge has been described as "even more white trash than you can imagine."
• I've been named "Spotlight Therapist" for May by my company. I did an interview over the phone and will be featured in next month's newsletter. Seriously. Who thought that was a good idea? MaryLou asked me why I started traveling and I gave her the honest truth... "I decided to dump a boy, but keep the trip." I also offered her $5 if she'd mention that NWB lost the Rose Bowl in the article.

Image from PostSecret

MFA: You're not eating enough to lose weight.

TK: Whaaaa?

MFA: (without acting like I need a helmet) You're not eating enough.



I swear, I have been busting my ass at the gym 5 days a week. I bike. I walk on an incline. I walk flat. I run (even though running is dangerous). I lift weights. I do crunches. I do butt-busters. I stretch. It takes an hour and 20 minutes. I've seriously cut back my calories. I'm only consuming about 1000 calories/day, 1100 tops. I drink more water than flows down the the Mississippi River. I only have a tasty adult beverage on Friday or Saturday night. I'm serious about this shit. I mean, did I get back fat for my 32nd birthday? And where did the belly pooch come from? I used to have a totally flat belly. The badonkadonk has always been out of control, but not the belly. It's time to get this situation in check.


So it's been a real pain in my ass that I've been working this routine for a month with no real results. What's a girl to do?


Phone a friend. I dial up my favorite Asian (MFA), who happens to be a dietitian. I tell her what I'm doing, what I've been eating, my workout details, etc. She says, "You're not eating enough." Now, what kind of dietitian tells a fat girl that she's not consuming enough calories to lose weight? (Don't bother telling me I'm not fat. It's written in my medical chart.)


According to MFA, I'm not eating enough for my body to burn off the stores of fat because it's gone into starvation mode due to my low caloric intake and how much I'm exercising. I'm eating enough to go into starvation mode, but not enough to lose weight. Unless I become anorexic, my body won't lose any weight like this. (And who are we kidding? I heart food. I'm as likely to become anorexic as I am to find out I'm actually an Aborigine bushman. I'm albino.) It doesn't make a bit of freakin' sense to me, but I trust her. MFA tells me to eat 400 more calories a day. She gives me good advice on a healthy way to do it, since adding a Snickers bar to my day isn't such a great idea. Snacks: Protein, dairy, a little bit of carbohydrate. Check.


A week later, I've lost 4 pounds. I heart MFA. Now, if she'd only invent a way to eat pie all day and lose weight in my sleep. (And don't worry, I won't be listing my dietary conquests and exercise routine. Things are boring enough around here as is.)

whoo hoo Tuesday

I have to take a state laws exam to get my Nebraska license. Jurisprudence. Whatever. I hate to study. I hate to study law stuff even more. Jackass got all the law-loving genes anyway.

Tuesday night television sucks.

Pooh King and the Great and Powerful Oz are running around chasing each other (very much like this). It's a fantastic game of cat and, well, dog. She stands up and bites him on the neck, then he drops to the floor so she will lay on her side and monkey-clutch his head. He jumps up and runs, she chases him, often running down the back of the couch so she can jump on him from the other end. She jumps up and bites his butt, he runs again. She jumps on his head, he flings her across the room. You'd think she'd stop, but that's just the start of it. It's really something to see a 7.5 lb cat and an 89 lb dog engage in a very intense game of chase. Most of the time I worry about the dog. That cat's a ninja, afterall, she's used to getting thrown right at someone's face.

They're way more fun to watch than television... and way more fun than studying Nebraska PT laws.

Oh, and my apartment in Nebraska has been arranged. Unfortunately, they cannot arrange for a trailer to be parked in the middle of Carhenge as I requested.

Two more from Monte-Jello

J's blocking me from getting his cookies.
He actually had crawled up onto my bed at the hotel and laid down in an exact mirror image of me. Too freakin' cute, that kid.

Starting over...

It's that time for the next season... packing season.

In two weeks, I will start the trek to western Nebraska for my next job. Carhenge, here I come.

I talked to the bossman (who I worked for before at a different location) out there on Thursday.

TK: So, have you fully prepared Nebraska for what it's going to be like to have me there? I mean, Nebraska probably hasn't seen the likes of me in, well, ever.

BM: (ha ha, bossman's initials are BM... and apparently I'm a 12 year old boy) Oh, they'll get used to ignoring you, just like I have. Are you ready for Nebraska?

TK: Corn and cows, bossman. What else is there to be ready for?

BM: (hee hee) We have snow on the ground and there were tornadoes earlier in the week.

TK: Shit.

How ironic is it that I'm packing away my winter clothes to leave in my storage unit? Nebraska better get their shit together in the next 27 days... I'll be arriving there on the 28th or 29th! No snow, no tornadoes. Got it Nebraska?