I forgot to tell you!

The ABC Extreme Home Makeover featuring the FarmVegas family is on this week! Tune in on Sunday!

On the road again...

Soooooooooo, guess where I'm going this weekend.





Seriously, you'll never guess... unless you already know, in which case you are prohibited by international law from playing this game.





Nope, keep guessing. Nope. Nope. Uh-uh.





Man, you guys aren't very good at this.





I'm going to The Arnold. Seriously. No, I'm not a huge fan of the ginormous muscles these guys (and gals, ick) sport. But the boy? Oh, he's crazy about the body building. Good for me (purrrrrrrr) and good for you.



I know, I know. How is this possible good for you? Well, two words, baby.

POSE OFF

Can't you see it already? Me, flexing in all my glory with some 300# muscle bound wonder?



Stay tuned. I'll be back Monday night.

Jealous.

Another one

"God bless 'em, they're more country than a couch on the porch."

*shakes her head in disbelief*

Colloquialisms

He: I didn't take you to raise.

She: Where's Ray's? Why haven't you taken me there?

He: Where is your helmet? *shakes head in disbelief*





See? The Universe doesn't know everything!

From the awesome ex-bosslady:

Every once in a while, with gaps in time that stretch for eons, someone like you comes along who instinctively trusts their inner senses more than their physical senses, the unseen more than the seen, and whose life-insights are so piercing that they unwittingly blow the entire model of spiritual evolution to smithereens.

~The Universe

Okay, I don't get excited about paying bills. I mean, really, does anyone?

For some time now, I've been attempting to pay down my debt. Student loans, credit card, car loan, etc. I wasn't the wisest of spenders back in the day, and though I have enjoyed nice vacations and fancy dinners, I have the big ticket to show for it.

So when I logged into my bank account today, I saw an offer for low APRs on new cars. Curious, I called to see if I could refinance George Jetson with my bank at a lower rate than I had with Bank of America. Much to my pleasure, I dropped my APR from 6.9 to 4.7%. Awesome! And, by the way, Linda the helpful phone lady says, we're offering a really great APR for transfers to the VACU credit card. Really? How low? Well, let's just say I dropped from 12.9% to 4.9%. 4.9% for the life of the balance. That makes a HUGE difference in the speed with which I will pay off my credit card debt.

I hate to say it, but I'm excited to get those bills next month!
I am a total dork.

Dear 6lb 7 oz tiny baby Jesus, please just let that pair be new... or maybe we know why she cut the crotch out. WTF?!?!?!

Clarification: I didn't take this picture. I lifted it off an email that got forwarded to me. However, I would like to buy a monkey for the person who did take the pic, since I think it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Ever. Seriously.

Yesterday we drove through Richmond. I saw a Jamaican restaurant with a big sign out front that read, "JERK PIT".

Me: (Points to sign) My ex-boyfriends hang out there.

Him: I thought that place was at the back of your parents' farm. Don't they light it up a few times a year?

Me: You'd better hope not.

"Sorry I missed your birthday. I'm a forgetful a-hole." Belated birthday flowers from the awesome ex-bosslady.
Aaaaaahhhhh, the annual Single's Awareness/Valentine's Day flowers from my Dad. He does good work, that one. I was the envy of the office! Thanks, Poppy, they're gorgeous!
Otis thinks they're great for playing hide and seek with.

Of course there was a fiasco...

I elbowed him right in the mouth.

Seriously.

It was all going so well, too. There was dinner (crab cakes, steak and asparagus... and a liberal application of wine) and an exchange of gifts. There was a little smooching. And then I punched him right in the face. I guess I zigged when I should have zagged. I turned, my elbow popped out chickenwing style, and I landed a solid hit right across his face.

Thankfully, he's easy going and recovered well. I spent the rest of the night apologizing profusely.

Maybe SAD will be back next year after all!

S.A.D. no more

Image by PostSecret

Happy Valentine's Day, people. Seriously, me? Celebrating Valentine's Day? Yes, yes... gone are the days of Single's Awareness Day. It's sad. Get it? SAD? Single's Awareness Day is SAD? Seriously, is this thing on?

There are stipulations, of course. No going out to dinner. I still don't want others (and now myself) to flaunt. And I totally expect flowers from my Dad. Just because a girl has a boyfriend doesn't mean she doesn't still want flowers from her Daddy, got it Pop?

So, without further wait, here's a rerun of last year's fiasco. I suppose I'll probably have a story for you tomorrow about this year's fiasco, it just hasn't happened yet.

7:50am Sunday: Pooh King wakes TK up by sticking cold, wet nose in TK's face and whining.

8:00am: iPod alarm clock turns on and turns all the way up

8:05am: TK returns from walking the dog

8:06am: TK sings along to Adam Sandler tunes (Hannukah song, Thanksgiving song, Lunch Lady song)

8:17am: TK's upstairs neighbors knock on door to complain about loud music

8:17 1/2am: TK apologizes profusely for waking neighbors at such an ungodly weekend hour

8:20am: TK realizes that upstairs neighbors think she has no taste in music.

Gah!

I'm okay!

Having PTO for being sick is awesome. Another plus on the side of permanent jobs. Not only do I not OWE the company money, they actually pay me to be sick. Perks, they're great.

For the first time ever, I am home sick (for a whole day, of my own volition) from work.

Seriously, I would go back to work if someone would take the meat cleaver out of my sinuses.

That man's got his hands on my panties.

Did you ever hear the one about the maintenance guy who had to touch all of my unmentionables? No? Well, that's 'cause it just happened today.

Saturday I had a fabulous day tooling around Maymont Park in Richmond. Several hours of car riding, path-walking, goat-feeding, and chicken-finger-biting in the sun was just what the doctor ordered. (Yea, it's what the doctor ordered just before he ordered penicillin for my jacked up ears and sinuses.) Sunday was gorgeous, and perfect for riding. My ears and sinuses were already feeling a bit sore, so I started hitting the Zicam and Mucinex.

Throughout the day, I had been doing loads of laundry. I was even being a good girl and putting away the clothes as they came out of the dryer. Before playing ball and watching the Super Bowl, PB even helped me vaccum while I folded my clothes. I started the last load of laundry, and out the door we went.

This morning I went to toss the load of unmentionables (always saved for last) into the dryer, and lo and behold, the washer was full of water. I pushed the button. Nothing. Pulled the button. Nothing. Checked the breaker box. Nothing. Unplugged and replugged. Still, nothing. So this morning I call to report the problem to the apartment manager.

This is where I made my critical mistake. I didn't think about the fact that I had bras and panties floating in the washing machine. Didn't even cross my mind. Well, not until they called to say that the maintenance man was working in my apartment. Holy shitballs, Batman, that dude's got his hands on my panties. I just gave myself the WTF moment of the day!

When they called this afternoon to tell me it was done, they asked if there's anything else I needed. I offered my apologies to the maintenance man, as he had to fish my unmentionables out of the washer, dump the water one cup at a time, and drag in a new washer.

Tonight I'm washing clothes, blowing my nose, and sucking down as much medication as I can for my concrete-filled face.

I've washed those panties twice and they still feel dirty.