I'm changing the name of this blog...

I swear, if one more cat winds up on my doorstep, I'm legally changing my name to Crazy Cat Lady. Or, it's going to be Matilda Magilicuddy. (The other day that's what I told a 9 year old patient my name was.) Maybe I'll just change the blog title to "One F'in Crazy Cat Lady". It's not like it would be a great revelation to any of you.

Meet Benny Ha-ha. One of my f'ing idiot neighbors put a declawed cat out to fend for himself since she didn't want him anymore. (Fluffy was about to take a good turn at kicking his ass, too.) Good news for you, Benny Ha-ha, 'cause you found the Crazy Cat Lady, and she has already found you a wonderful home with a sweet old lady.

I think I just heard Otis say "Whew, that was a close one!" I think he was worried he'd miss out on big-screen TV watching if the old lady had come around a month ago.

(That is seriously what he's doing right there.)

Otis and Oz are in residence on my fabulous new "Virginia Heartstrings" birthday quilt.

Yep, there's still a lot of cat love in this place.

Oh, and by the way, Otis is staying.

And here is my fabulous new lingerie chest. Finally, a place to store all of my mentionable-unmentionables. It's a custom ordered, handmade, mahogany Milligan masterpiece. He (he being the boy some of you don't know about... until recently) heard me say once that I wanted one, and thus it appeared on my birthday. He even picked out the hardware himself. Sigh.

My job might suck ass (I haven't mentioned that lately, have I? Oh well, that's for another boring post then, when I'm drunk and you're regretting it) but life is good!

And just like that, it was gone. I do heart my birthday. Thank you all for the birthday wishes, and welcome to those who are new. Stop by any time, even if I'm not wearing my tiara.

My birthday weekend (come on, we all know it's more than just a day) was great. On Thursday I got a lunch part with pizza and cake at work. Friday night I got dinner and a movie with him, Saturday was dinner with him and friends, and on Sunday, he made me dinner. It was one of the best birthdays ever, leading me to believe that my 30s will be a wonderful time in my life.

Now, for how I came to have no presents from Ma and Pa King. In my apartment complex, two of the mailbox groupings have large boxes at the bottom where oversized packages can be placed. In mine, of course, there are none. So, anything that doesn't fit in my tiny postbox has to get left at the apartment office. And those people are never there. They seem to be there when the post office drops off the packages, but never when I'm able to pick them up. The office opens after I go to work, closes before I get off work, and is no longer open on Saturdays. Half of the time, during "regular business hours" they aren't there, either. Today I had 2 hours of downtime at work and called the office to make sure someone would be there before I drove over. Of course not. I got the answering machine. So you can imagine how happy I am to wait until Friday to get my package. Oh, they'll be there on Friday. Rent is due. Those bitches are always around to take your money.

Harumph.

It's my birthday!

Give me candy!!!!

I was chatting with my sister last night. We discussed the sadness of Heath Ledger's untimely death. The conversation between us is true:

TK: Can you imagine being the massage therapist that showed up expecting to rub down his naked body and found him dead, instead?

AK: Good thing she didn't just sneak in and start. I mean, gawd, "Oh, Heath, you're so stiff!" Can you imagine?

TK: Oh, Min, that's awful!!! *snicker*

Today the circus came back to town. No, not the family circus... the work circus. Our hospital's administration is well known for expecting department managers to carry a full patient schedule, yet be available at the drop of a hat for meetings. So, during my day off on Friday, I handled not one, but three "emergency" calls from Boss'o'me. Seems at about 3:30 Friday afternoon, he was told he would have to be in an all-day meeting on Monday. We did our best to cover all the bases so patients wouldn't be put aside while he tended to his bossly duties. The result? I ran back and forth between the outpatient and inpatient worlds and got the job done. New Student did a fine job keeping up and getting her real-world learnin' in.

Of course, there were some delightful conversations...

Conversation 1:
TK: Is my first patient here?
MetalHead (the secretary): Yep, he's here. And boy does he have great sausage.
(Are you f'ing kidding me? It turns out, hiss real name is consistent with a sausage/breakfast meat company. I shit you not, she actually said that.)
TK: I don't think you should ever say that again.

Conversation 2:
TK: So, Officer Mitchell, how did you hurt your knee?
OM: Well, I was chasing a suspect and got my foot caught in a pothole.
TK: Did you shoot him?
OM: No, but I thought about it.

The Silence

I know, I've been quiet lately. The blog has been quieter, and in real life, so have I. I know I have not called or returned calls like usual. It has taken me quite a bit longer to stalk, errr I mean "catch up", with some of you. Please don't take this as a sign of my disconent. Actually, it is anything but.

I am quiet because I am very peaceful in my new life. I am busy at work. I am busy at home. I am dating. I am fabulously happy and content. I am not confusing content with complacent. Where I used to have hours on end to chat with anyone by phone, I now have time filled with dinners, movies, drinks, and conversation. (And not just conversation with Pooh and Oz.) Being permanent in my new place I find that I am building the structure of a permanent life. I really have less time to talk, and apparently I have a greater appreciation for the silence.

A nurse (who doesn't know me outside of work) said, "You must go home and just talk and talk and talk, whether someone's there to listen or not." Oh, silly nurse, clearly you don't know me. My roommates and best friends have often been surprised (at the beginning) at how different my work and home personas can be. While I'm usually wide open at work (and at times I am at home) I can be very quiet and contemplative. It really doesn't bother me to go an entire day without talking to anyone. I drove from Nebraska to Virginia and only spoke to 4 or 5 people. I just don't need to talk all the time.

So I'm quiet. I'm sorry if that means I'm a bit out of touch lately. I know there are friends who read the blog who are wondering what the hell's going on with me lately. This is my answer.

Is it wrong that one of the reasons I wish I could get married now is because I want this flatware and I can't justify buying it for myself?

I need to stop watching television.

Seriously.

I just saw Entertainment Tonight. Not only did I find out that Brittney Spears was pregnancy test shopping (holy shitballs, Batman, she's a breeder), but that Anna Nicole's daughter is cross-eyed. I mean, really, doesn't that kid have enough on her plate just by being Anna Nicole's daughter?

I came home to find my Cuban-immigrant principal neighbor kneeling in front of his CRV, weeping.

"D, are you okay?"

"No. I hit a deer on the way home."

"Oh, that's too bad, but really, it doesn't look like the damage is too bad (as I look at a tiny scratch on his otherwise perfect bumper.)"

"No, no. I would give the entire bumper, even the car, to have his beauty back in the world."

Sigh.

Well, well, well. Now, don't I play the part of a martyr perfectly?

Now that my work week is over, I'd like to take a moment to pull m' head outta me arse. I knew that when the baby was born this would happen. The baby was just born 2 weeks earlier than I had anticipated. Truth be told, BOM called in on Friday morning and said he would come to work on Saturday. "Abso-freakin'-lutely NOT!" I told him. Seriously, the guy's baby is 2 days old, his other son is 21 months old, and he was going to come to work? Me thinks not. I demanded that he stay home with his family on their first full day home. I just like to bitch and moan and be whiney when I do things like this to myself. I wouldn't have felt like a decent human being if I had just said, "Okay," and let him come to work.

So now I'm lying on the couch, ruminating over the first two weeks of 2008. My life is in a very good place, and I need to keep it there. Playing the role of self-proclaimed martyr doesn't serve that goal very well, so I'm going to stop doing it. I should be grateful that I have a job to gripe about, that I have a life I love, and that 2008 is bound to be a very, very good year.

You'll all be getting a kitten for putting up with me on days like that. Look for it in the mail.

RALLY!!!

After two shortened days at work due to illness, I'm back. I made it through a full day on Wednesday. Hooray! Today I'm back to full steam!

Well, my rally couldn't have come at a better time. My new Boss'o'me, aka BOM (or as Mitzi calls him, Tool) and his wife welcomed their second trike-motor into the world during the wee hours of the morning. That left me to do all his work today. Apparently his work is more important than my work, so I did his while my patients sat around in the hospital wondering where the hell I was. Oh well, I know no one dies from missing one day of therapy, but it still irks me.

Tomorrow is more of the same. Oh, wait, tomorrow is supposed to be my day off, and so is Saturday, but neither one will be days off, since I'll be covering Tool's, I mean BOM's, shifts. I keep reminding myself that it's not the kid's fault that he has terrible timing. At least tomorrow there will be a PTA covering the inpatient world.

Now, I need to get to bed so I can continue my rally.

I am one sexy beast.

I just got back from walking the dog. More than one person in the complex gave me a funny look. Let's review why...

1. I have a very haute couture look, considering my barf-fest allowed me to meet my January weight-loss goal in 1 day.
2. I may or may not have been wearing blue felt clogs, hot pink pajama bottoms, and a rust colored hoodie. That's hot.
3. I seem to move at the speed of molasses in January.
4. In my weakened condition, Pooh King can pull me off course to sniff EVERYTHING, resulting in me yelling "I'm okay" almost continually as my inner-goat keeps me from falling down.

I have mustered the energy to strip my bed of its cootie-ridden sheets, do a load of laundry (clean scrubs are a must), and eat a little bit of dinner. So far, so good. Tomorrow, I might even make it through a whole day of work. Better get out my SuperGirl underpants.

Things I'm good at:
1) Throwing up
2) Throwing up
3) Well, you get the picture.

I have been taken to the mat by a nasty stomach virus. Since Monday morning, all I've been able to eat was 3 saltine crackers and a dry piece of toast. I've kept down a bit of Gatorade. Seriously, even that was an accomplishment. But now it seems to be moving out, and I feel, dare I say it, hungry for dinner.

I'll be back when I feel better.

Fat Louie's big fat life...

Amy politely declined to take Otis... "Seriously, I can't take Otis. He might tell the big guy it's not normal to have little girls dress you up in drag and push you around in a stroller." Of course, she said this as her youngest was breakin' it down to Soldja Boy (or something like that) with Fat Louie in her arms. I guess if it's not broken, you don't need to fix it!

I love having 3 day weekends. Seriously. It's Friday, and while other people are at work, I'm sitting on my couch watching Today on NBC. I heart Friday.

I was supposed to have a coffee date with the awesome bosslady, but her day changed and I'll be coffee-ing here on my own. It may be just as well, since I still am using the excuse of "I just moved here" to explain the collection-of-crapola-that-needs-to-be-put-away that resides on my dining room table. Maybe I'll take this time to get it under control. By Sunday, I'd like to have everything in its place... or at least know where it should be. I owe some people pictures of the finished product. Now I just need a finished product!

Happy New Year!!!

I talked to my sister this morning.

A: So, what'd you do last night?
T: We went to a friend's house, played cards, had a little drinky-poo, watched the ball drop on television, yada yada yada...
A: Wow, you made it to midnight?!?!

Yep, I'm that exciting.