The reading of the books...

The annual Christmas book reading...

This year it was a little different, as we had our Christmas celebration on Sunday so Amanda and The Trucker could partake.

Amanda's book was about being fancy.
Ryan gave his best Wilson impersonation while reading about Walter the Farting Dog.
Erin did a fine job with her book about a Christmas angel.
Mom and Dad shared a book called "You're All My Favorites". The big surprise ending was that the whole thing was a lie, and I'm their favorite.
Ryan handed out some big love for Aggie and Fat Al. They just couldn't stay out of the holiday action.

Aaaah, the old Ferguson. Now that Pa King has a new John Deere, the Ferguson doesn't see much action. Not to let the old girl sit and rust, Ma and Pa dressed her up with lights and a wreath, and let her celebrate the "merry and bright" part of Christmas. No Ferguson Christmas light display would be complete without a little duct tape... hey, it's shiny.

Don't you judge us.


Pa King enjoying the spoils of Christmas~ most notably, the Trucker's gift of a "Beers Trucking" ball cap. Good times, people, good times.
Ma King surveying her flock. She did the tree up very fancy this year. It was unlike anything she'd ever done, and really put a good spin on having everyone plus 2 at home for Christmas.

There is some serious cat-love going on in this house. The Great and Powerful Oz may have been slightly overwhelmed and maybe a tad intimidated by 4 kittens, but she's really digging having just one. You can almost see the relief wash over Pooh King's face as he finally sleeps with both eyes closed, not having to worry about late night kitten attacks.

You see, it went something like this:

Ryan: I bet Amanda would fit in Dad's new suitcase.
TK: I bet she'll get in it if we give her money.
Ryan: Hey Amanda! Come here. Get in Dad's suitcase.
Amanda: No way.
TK: I'll give you a dollar.
Amanda: I want a dollar from Ryan, too.
Ryan: Okay.




Amanda: Now, give me my dollars.

Center ring

And the award for "best thing to get this guy" goes to me for getting The Trucker some sweet Homer slippers. I asked Amanda what to get him, and she said "I don't know. He really likes wool socks, and he always uses a hankerchief." Um, no, not acceptable for his first Christmas in the center ring of the King Family Circus. But he does love him some Simpsons. When I saw these, I knew they must be purchased. I was right. Check out the giddy joy on his face.

You don't fool us, Joe Cool, we know you're really staring back at Homer.
See that? That's a wash of relief on Amanda's face. We thought The Trucker might be proposing, despite all insistances otherwise. When he pulled a little velvet box out of the Christmas tree, we all held our breaths, except for Erin, who immediately started wailing on my brother. Lo and behold, The Trucker got her diamond earrings.

Whew.

I promise, I promise, I will show the pictures and tell the stories soon. Seriously. But first I have to clean some shit up so they can deliver my new mattress.



A new mattress, you ask? Um, didn't you buy a new mattress made of the feathers fallen from the wings of angels just back in August? Yes, yes I did. And it has developed a pit in the center. Really, it's kind of like quicksand. If I lie at the edge of the bed, I inevitably wind up rolling toward the center. By morning, I'm in the fetal position in the pit, and I have to crawl through a thousand feet of angel feathers to get out. I called the wonderful local furniture store I bought it from (where it was cheaper than I could find it anywhere else) on Wednesday to ask how to enact the warranty.



No problem, they say, we'll deliver a new one on Friday.



Friday? It's already Wednesday. Doesn't Serta have to approve it or something? Isn't there paperwork to fill out? Don't I have to sign over my first born child or something?



No problem, she says again, we have them in stock in the warehouse. We'll bring a whole new set up on Friday, if that's convenient. A new mattress, box spring, and frame... a better frame that will support the bed better so you won't get another pit.



Convenient? I don't work on Friday anymore. That's awesome!



So, here I am, trying to get my Christmas leftovers under control, my laundry under control, and my one remaining kitten under control. That's right, the crazy cat lady is down to one. Otis is the last man standing. It surprises me because I thought he would be chosen early because he's so relaxed and easy going. Turns out, too many people choose kittens based on color, and though one lady said she wanted a laid-back snuggly kitten, she wasn't pleased by his "plain" coloring, and had the nerve to tell me she didn't think he was very special. I didn't even have to throw Oz. She threw herself right at that nasty lady's face. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling a little rustling on my bed. Oz was asleep in the crook of my arm, and Otis was rambling around the bed. As he walked past her, she reached out and pushed him down, then pulled him closer to her. We all slept like that for the rest of the night. She's teaching him how to be a good little cat. Not special, my ass.


Oh, and by the way, Fat Louie's family sent me the absolutely most wonderful pictures of him. He is so happy, and he obviously adores the girls as much as they adore him. If I ever get my butt in gear, I'll scan them and post them, and you all will crack up. I mean, seriously, the cat is dressed in a t-shirt, bib overalls, and is kicked back pimp style being pushed around in a stroller (and loving it). I don't care who you are, that's just funny.

I have returned from the circus.

A crazy-good time was had by all. Soon there will be pictures and book readings!

For now, I have to go earn some money. Damn dog didn't get a job while I was gone. Neither did the kittens. Slackers.

Well, the 3 rings of the King Family Christmas Circus are in full effect. Ryan and Erin, Amanda and Shawn, me and, well, me. Let's face it, I'm enough to fill a ring on my own! Things have gone swimmingly. This morning we split up and hit the town shopping, gathered to take Gram to lunch, and split up to finish shopping in the afternoon. This evening has been filled with gift wrapping, horse feeding, dinner preparing, and more story telling than you can shake a stick at. Good time, people, good times. Christmas will be celebrated tomorrow since Amanda and Shawn take off on Monday. I split on Tuesday. Ryan and Erin will be weaning Mom and Dad down for another week or so.

I'll let you know what I get for prezzies! Whoo hoo!

kitten update

It's Stila (the black torte kitten) that has a new home.

She's going to live with a family that has 3 kids, but she's really for the 8 year old boy. It just so happens that the family had to put down their elderly cat a few months ago. The 8 year old has been heartbroken. He told his mother how much he missed having a cat. Something along the lines of "I just miss having a cat to cuddle with. And really, I need someone to tell my secrets to. I mean, you and Dad are great, but I just can't tell you all the details." Stila is scheduled to "fall of Santa's sleigh" on Christmas Eve. She'll have a bow around her neck, and I'm sure she'll be staying up to wait for Santa to drop off the rest of the presents. God bless my petsitter, Amanda, who will make the Christmas Eve kitten drop while I'm out of town participating in the King Family Christmas Circus.

There's a good chance that Otis or Sweetpea will have a home by Friday as well. Turns out kitten-pimping at work can become a productive gig. I was chased across the Evil Wal-Mart parking lot by a case manager I work with whose daughter has decided to get a kitten. I've emailed pictures and personality descriptions, and hopefully will hear some news tomorrow. I sent my best pictures, and they are soooooooooo cute, so hopefully the news will be good.

As for tonight? I wrapped all my presents. Well, all but Gram's. I need a different size box, or maybe a bag, for hers. Dear 6 pound 7 ounce tiny baby Jesus, don't let me have to go back to CVS for that. Seriously, I can't take it.

Awww, Mitzi. She's such a fun girl.

Goose got to Farmville on Wednesday, and promptly went to sleep. Jetlag from Alaska is a bitch. When I got home from work, we went and hung with the yoga crowd. Goose got her stretch on and life was looking a little more shiny.

On Thursday, she pedaled and ran around Farmville. Literally. Then we toasted Student farewell. Friday we went shopping in Carytown (Richmond) and I got my ass kicked playing in a volleyball tournament. Good thing I got some good stuff on Cary Street!

We split for Charlottesville on Saturday. Whoo hoo! It was cold and nasty, but we had a good time anyway. With Mitz, how could you not? And, we saw the butt-ugliest Christmas tree ever. Seriously, a Barbie tree? I've had nightmares more pleasant than this tree.

Then I had to leave, and so did she. Awwww man, that stinks.

I'm not dead. I promise! I'm just very busy, and very tired. I had a great 4.5 days with Mitzi that spanned from Richmond to Charlottesville. Now I'm working 10 hour days, trying to finish up Christmas shopping, wrapping presents, re-homeing kittens (2 down, 2 to go!) and preparing for my triumphant return to the King Family Christmas Circus. I promise I'll write a more detailed update tonight, and if you're really good, I'll include a picture.

Now, get back to work!

The Goose is loose.

Pardon me while I take a break. See you Sunday!

Kiss it... I mean, HIM, I mean, it... I mean, him...

A quick update before work...

This is the first time my fingers have worked since Saturday. Seriously.

I went out to the Extreme Makeover: Home Edition construction site and did 5 minute chair massages for the people who were working on the house. I was a very popular girl. 5 hours later, I had the feeling my arms would be a little sore. About 2 hours after I got home my forearms started to ache. By 8pm, I was having a hard time doing anything but flail. I had to be the passenger in George Jetson 'cause my arms weren't doing a very good job of staying on the wheel. But, it was fun to volunteer, and I think it really helped some of the folks feel thanked for having come to work on the house. Unfortunately (for my sister) Ty wasn't there, but I did get to see Michael and Paul film a scene. It was neat.

Today is the big reveal. A few of us are taking off of work to go see them bring the family home and hear Ty yell "MOVE THAT BUS!!!!" They've shifted the focus of the show from my little guy's autism to his father's love o' the Civil War. That's not necessarily flying well around here, but my little dude is getting an awesome pirate bedroom, and that's a priceless thing for him.

I'll try to take some pictures when I'm there this afternoon. Stay tuned!

So, the hospital is having a wreath decorating contest. The winning department will be announced at the Holiday Party. Except on the paper announcing the contest, it had said "Christmas Party". Then "Christmas" had been blacked out, and "Holiday" had been written (by hand) above. Classy.

Him: Why do they have to do that? It's Christmas.
Her: Not everyone is Christian. Some people are Jewish, some are Pagan, some of us celebrate Festivus for the Rest of Us.
Him: We can celebrate any holidays you would like, but you do realize that you are likely to get cards and gifts for every holiday there is, right? I mean, you're going to have to take more days off than anyone.
Her: There's a Pancake Day.

I love pancakes.

Of course, we all know my feelings on this debate!

Update

Amazingly, the tree is still standing this morning. The bottom branches are bent the wrong direction, but the ornaments are still on, and the lights still work. Amazing! I think I need to push the chairs in around the dining room table, though, the kittens are starting to eyeball them like high-dive platforms!

It's not exactly what I thought my first Christmas tree would go through, but it ain't bad!

The Kitten Tree

Note: Sweetpea's feet at the bottom, Otis to the upper right, Stila to the upper left, and Pooh King shaking his head in disbelief.
Sweetpea on the up and up.
Stage lighting.
Hide and Seek
Really, it could also be the Earthquake Tree. Every time I get the branches bent just right so as to more resemble a live tree (which I'm not allowed to have in the apartment) the kittens go racing up and down, and around in circles, and flatten the braches right back down. I think my apartment should have its own Geiger counter for kitten activity. The tree has definitely been shaken from top to bottom. After a few hours, the newness has worn off and the kittens have moved on to bigger and better targets... We'll see what's happening at 1am!

We went to sign up to volunteer on the Extreme Home Makeover House. Turns out, they don't even need volunteers until late Wednesday night or Thursday. They didn't even have the tent set up to take waivers! Oh, Amanda, I totally volunteered to use my mad professional skillz to offer the crew massages during their grueling schedule.

I'll tell Ty you said hi!

ABC's Extreme Home Makeover rolled into Farmvegas yesterday, complete with at least 5 tractor-trailers. High fives all around for those who know what that means for one of my patients.

Don't worry, Min, it's my goal to get a picture of Ty without his shirt on.