'Cause I like to name the guilty ones

About 2 months ago, PB and I were headed to the gym at o'my-god-it's-early-in-the-morning. Before I got to the ONLY traffic light on the way to the gym (which is about 2 miles from my apartment) it turned green. I slowed slightly (as I usually do just to make sure no assholes are going to hit me) and started through the intersection. Just then I saw a white truck come racing toward my passenger side door and heard the screeching of brakes. I gave the dude behind the wheel my patented "stare of death", pointed at the light, and mouthed "watch out for the red light, buddy." PB was in his car, right behind me, and saw the whole thing. Keep this in mind.

When we got to the gym parking lot, the dude in the white truck was right behind us. Turns out, he was on his way to the gym, too. He started toward the door, then turned around and said, "Excuse me, but did you say something to me back there?" Uh, yeah, I told you to watch out for the red light. We went back and forth about whether screeching brakes indicated that he was or was not in the process of running the red light and about to hit me, PB (of course) was on my side. When PB spoke up, the dude turns around and is like, "Oh, hi PB." 'Cause he knows PB. And he's acting like nothing, NOTHING, happened and that he hasn't been acting like a complete ass. So the dude walked in, I turned around and looked at PB and asked who the hell that was and he said, "Car Coop Kenny. He's just like that."

Well, of course he is. He's Kenny. Crazy Kenny of Kenny's Car Coop. That red light running bastard owns a used car lot. It all makes so much sense to me now. I pass his Car Coop every day, usually at least twice, and I give him the finger every time... just because it makes me feel good.

So, last week, as I was pulling into the local Starbucks, I realized Crazy Kenny was pulling into the same parking lot. Well, hell if I was going to stand in line behind that bastard. I hurried up and made sure I beat him into the store so at least he had to be behind me. Ha ha! Plus, I'm chatty with the morning barista and figured I could slow Crazy Kenny down by at least a few minutes, and that pleased me in a petty, sadistic way.

Kay had been in a horrible car accident (ironically, around the same time Kenny about creamed me) and she knows I drive a lot, so as she does every time I see her, on my way away from the bar she said, "Be careful out there!"

Well, I couldn't help but respond, "Oh, I will Kay, but you know it's always the other guy you have to watch out for!" in a loud, confident, clear, resounding voice. That please me, but not as much as Kay's final words...

"No kidding... IT'S ALWAYS THE OTHER GUY THAT'S THE ASSHOLE!!!"